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My Turn.



When Will It Be My Turn?

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Not You.



http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7fV6fmBerRg


" Either You Treat Your Partner Right, Or Sit Back And Watch Someone Else Do It For You. "

Broken Soul.


It's just past 5AM in the morning, I've finished my "drink" (thought that it'll help numb me and fall asleep easier) but I still can't get to bed.A****** just can't seem to take its effect on me as much as it does to others. Maybe I should try drinking it faster the next time round.

First post in awhile, and it ain't a good one. Oh wells, don't people usually turn to written journals to pent down their frustrations and thoughts, as a form of release? They obviously do, and the same goes for me.


I'd like to lie and paint a rosy picture since its post-exams, but honestly...life of late has been really hard for me.
While people mention that confiding in others and letting things go will help heal wounds, I have never truly confided in someone totally. I'd fill them in on parts of the difficulties I'm facing, and keep the other parts that I am worried they'd worry for me / judge me over, deep down inside my heart. #SucksToBeMe


You may argue it anyway you want to, but Life's A Choice.
Even this heart-ache that I am going through is a choice... My Choice...something that I put myself through because I've concluded that the "issue"/"thing" is important enough to ruin me.


Met with a friend whom I look up to, earlier yesterday...and I had actually set my mind to do anything and everything I want to, for the next 3 months (even if it is out of my comfort zone).
Really hoping that I'll get by and not forsake my own interest for people who'd forsake my own for theirs. Easier Said Than Done.

My head's finally feeling heavy.

Good night, to my broken soul...


//

02/06/2014
2:23 AM

Fuck, do I seriously need to have a bottle of beer every night... just so I can fall asleep?! Urgh~
This.Is.Ridiculous.

//

03/06/2014
2:23 AM

Miraculously, I find myself coming back to this journal at the exact same time as I did yesterday...
As with yesterday, I've got a drink in hand.
I know its getting really unhealthy for me, but I can't help it, I can't help it at all...

I know that only I feel the extent of pain that I feel, but I can't help it.
I know that only I am affected to this extent, but I can't help it.
I know how foolish I am, but I can't help it.

It just hurts even more knowing that you'd still hurt me knowing that it'll hurt me, because my pain...is less significant than yours.
That is why you always get the last laugh, don't you?!
Deny as you may, deny as you always have, Actions Speak Louder Than Words... & that's what you've always done.


The Past, The "Past", & The "Present/Past".

Words Are Lethal.
But Words From Someone You Thought Would Treasure And Never Bear To Hurt You, Crushes You In An Instant & Breaks Every 'Bone' Of Yours. Hopes & Dreams, Promises & Love, are all dashed in an instant...
What's Left Of You Is Nothing But Your Broken Soul.

Still.. NOTHING.



I Waited, and I Waited... as i always have.

NOTHING. No Change, No Remorse Shown, No Sacrifices Wiling To Be Made.

I Knew That This Would Be The Outcome From Experience, But Still... I Was Foolishly Hopeful.
The Difference In Extent That You'll Go For Me, and The Extent That I'll Go For You... Is As Vast As The Depths Of The Sea.

Oh Well, One Thing's For Sure... I'm Losing More Hope Each Time, 'Piece By Piece'.


3

Drowning, and Still Struggling To Stay Afloat.. Let Alone Get My F-ing Life Back On Track.
I've Been Hurting So Badly Inside For Awhile Now, But No One Seems To Notice/Care.

In The End, It's Just Me.Myself.and.I. Trying My Best To Stay Afloat, Myself.


*P.S. Still.. Can't.Let.Go.

IMG_0538IMG_9463

" Remember This. "



" I wish each and every single one of you knew that. "

The Past, The Present, The Future.

.
.
.
I'm not the kind of girl that knows how to express herself fully.
Neither will I be a good girlfriend to my future partner, or so I feel/have been told.
When I get started on something I commit to, such as work, I tend to prioritise it over any other thing/people around me, and I appear not to care (even if I do).
I am not sweet, loving or romantic... Like how a 'girlfriend' should be, or so I've been told.
Neither am I close to being near any of the criteria of 'a perfect/normal partner'.
.
Well I am just me... It's me, I am me.
Is it really so hard to find someone who truly appreciates me for who I am?
Despite trying so hard, no one seems to notice my effort, or even see an improvement...despite me trying, even at the expense of my own feelings/happiness.
.
I am me, Cleo Rachel Yeo.
I am neither perfect, nor anywhere near the ideal/average/normal standards (or so I've been told).
& I am sick and tired of trying so hard, at the expense of my own feelings.
Setting aside my feelings of hurt and unhappiness within minutes/hour(s) is BULLSHIT.

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A Stranger.


Here I am, sitting alone at KFC & having my favourite breakfast set, to start my day off...

Well well, all thanks to a certain someone who never fails to disappoint and let-me-down.
Not surprising at all, but still... Upsetting. :/
Just really dread what you're going to say later on when you wake up, because I can already predict them and know what you will say~ nothing but BULLSHIT/EXCUSES.

But it's also thanks to you that I get to enjoy my much-needed time alone...
It's been awhile since I got to enjoy my breakfast without worry, and surf the net for articles/updates, all at my own pace. Love It.
.

Because of you, I carried my laptop, 'books', handbag, tea, and a basket full of groceries all on my own, without any help, even though my hands/arms were about to break.
I was struggling to cope with the insane morning Aunty-crowd who kept constantly bumping into my bags because they were rushing for the best/freshest deals/items, picking the red meat all on my own, buying what's necessary, and guess what? I even bought the sauce/marinate for the meat, BECAUSE I had to be sure and couldn't take a chance... With a person like you, I've become so stressed about not making any mistakes/taking chances, because I am fully aware that if I do, you're not going to spot any of my mistakes/prove me wrong. So I kinda am used to having things done such that if anything were to slip past me and go wrong, you'll never catch it on your part. FACT.
.
Well well, I don't usually complain about having to carry so many things etc., but honestly, as much as I'm fine doing this sometimes, I feel so frustrated that you ALWAYS put me in such a helpless situation that I have to deal with suddenly.
Not the first time, & not going to be the last it seems...
.
Again, how the day (of work) ahead goes, lies on the decisions I make. Here I am sitting outside and waiting because you've overslept again and I have no keys, with groceries that I had to buy myself, and my heavy bag with my laptop etc, and I even took a bus carrying all of this on my own...
I could choose to go home right now or continue to wait like a fool, till you wake up.

If I choose to go home, all I will get is your apology and of course, the excuses. But I would have wasted one whole day which I can't afford to, because there are tons of work to do.
If I choose to stay, I will still get your apology, and of course, the excuses. But at least I still get to complete some work.

So, FUCK MY LIFE.
Both situations are advantageous for you, NOT ME.
Seriously, whatever...
Just going to lead life my way.
.

Ending off with a picture of an adorable little boy, dealing with fanconi anemia. :(
Breaks my heart to see all these young kids suffering. :((
.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

HeartStrings.


Weekends~

Hmmm... Can I stop smiling already?
Cos I'm tired, really tired...

You know... Because things happened that made me feel like shit... I guess I'll just do a picture post from post-exams.
Haven't really got to meet up with everyone I want to though!! Slowly but surely! ;)
.
Starting off with an almost empty exam hall!! Whee~!!! Just the thought of it, and recalling how it looked like, makes me feel so happy inside. :')

Starbucks treat at some mall near the expo exam hall, by the sister. I LOVE WHIP-CREAM.

Went to the mall's outdoor garden to fool around, and Skype my dad, acting cute and all with him. Hehehe, seeing him smile and laugh, fills my heart with warmth. :')
See my BIG WIDE SMILE, super evident even though this picture was taken from afar! Hahaha

Sitting on a wooden swing while my sister rocked us.

The flowers were so pretty, they needed no edits at all!! :)
This is the raw picture, taken with my iPhone!
So pretty, aren't they?
I've always wished that I was surrounded by nature all the time.

Went for some self-pampering, teeheehee~

& night swimming with the brother after that!!

It's been over a year, and I was so lousy that I practically rested after every lap I swam, haha. Spent 3/4 of the time slacking and talking crap with him.

Met a new friend, Isabella, whom I played with. She's so adorable that she insisted on both our feet and hands touching each other, when we bided farewell.
Told her that she was my new best friend and she was so happy! Hehe so was I! :)
LOVE KIDS.

Well, exhaustion from a mere 3-hours sleep the past two nights didn't kick in till I reached home. :/
.
With heart-breaker, Greg, at Selene's 1st today... :) all the baby's were pretty cranky though, because it was noon/nap time~ LOL.

With my walking partner this afternoon. :)
I always made sure I took her for walks, every single time I went over.
Well that's because I feel that she's been receiving lesser attention ever since the kids came, and it really breaks my heart to see her so longing and heart-brokened. :(
Hence, I made it a point to sit down with her on benches we come across during our walk, and just watch the world go by while i talked to her. :') such precious moments, indeed.

Oh! And here are the cupcakes baked my Selene's talented mum. :)
There were other flavoured ones and she even baked the cake on her own and personally decorated it with fondant! Super talented.
No pictures though, because I was too engrossed with Ma Red Velvet! HAHAHAHAHA~ OOPS..

& here's jasmine...
11-12 years of friendship. Still my most loved.

My dress I wore to Mink last Friday night. Hehe~
Music was awesome, company was great, realised/learnt more about life/people, and went home a pretty happy girl. <333

Can't wait for family lunch/feast before Bro's graduation later on. Yay!!!

The feeling of Post-Exams hasn't really kicked in yet, & work is going to start soon, after M finishes his exams :(
BUT I CAN'T WAIT, can't wait to prove lots of people. HEH~
Till then... :)

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Stupidity.



OMG, Cleo Rachel Yeo.
Hang in there~!!!

You wasted Two/Three Days already... Oh, Great.
Now that you're behind time AGAIN, you just got to work hard and face the consequence of your own actions.

AAAAHHHHH... What Stupidity.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.